drafts #6- a summer's worth

91 days ago.
waking life

dr. j bonners colors noise eerie stillness powder burst graphic novel coloring vampires/transformers

80 days ago.
we feel the need to simplify. to minimize, to take up less space. whether words tumbling out of the crowded open mouth or hips in a bus seat. we quantify with numbers, find words and decimals. try to fit ourselves; to measure the immeasurable. we fear the open blank. we feel sorry. but i will not apologize for taking up space, for spreading my legs, for having broad shoulders. open. i will not be closed.

61 days ago.
june 5th
today as i ran past strangers and switched tracks just in time to save myself from being lost, i was free of panic. there were no threads of anxiety knitting up my arms like too tight sutures. no, it was fluid. an ethereal lightness that i can only associate with the ease of high friends. hallucinogen. i am here, today. do not panic about tomorrow's possible flaws.

37 days ago.
i see myself in her stainless steel coffee mug. there's something so mesmerizing about watching the wasteland we live in.

19 days ago.
three good jewish girls
with honey lemon curls
stare out our shared train window.
the three of us, sit between awe and apathy.

13 days ago.
here i am, sharing a table with a man. he is eating a pasta lunch that smells of pine nuts. i'm reading the AP style guide. both of us at a table on our lunch breaks with our headphones on. not talking, no eye contact. the fear of strangers. the apathy of human beings.