open open namaste business

confidently i stand here

smiling in my rain stained scarf.

i'm the real thing.

for mike cauvel

we've let our future projections muddle the clear puddle we're drowning in.

the weight of water in lung somehow numbs the nonchalance of ambivalence.

i'm ashamed to thrive in the in-between

but astounded to be marked as wanting red or orange, either or.

sure you got a heart, but man it doesn't mean anything to me.

i feel like i've spent a lot of time staring at myself in mirrors, trying to see what the people

who once read me like folded fortune

or pretended not to understand at all

glaze over- they've found a definition.

shake the shoulders,

"look. it's me."

staring, napping, anything but conversing with myself.

if i was willing to feel, i'd tell my perception to pull up a chair.

maybe it's time to live in the black and white that faceless friends confidently concede

i live within.

let's not hide ourselves from self-analysis

approve our desired directions.

william kennedy-december 2, 2011-friday

"I was obsessed with the idea that the world could be taken away from me."

-On replacing papers with technology

"People who are writers can't help themselves, they can't do anything else. They're like alcoholics, or sex-addicts, or Giants fans."

-On being a writer

"I didn't want to empty my head, I wanted to keep it full of everything."

-On researching

Is there a hypocrisy in that? writing about the flaws and faults, the messes and broken semblance of the world we live in through the mechanical heart of media that keeps it going?

Shakes everything that you think you know, including yourself. When your very existence is questioned you will try anything to make sure you know who you are before you die.

I can be more of who I am than you can be you.

futon bender

i've spent days and nights

pondering if the supple feel of my cheek

is due to the healing effects of tears.

it's time

to break from bad habits

and hurtful responsibilities

for the feelings of hearts

that we cannot possibly control.