leap day

and today won't exist

once darkness sweeps us into its arms.

bed-post postcards

Peering through a peep hole the keys cast shadows on the dusty birth marks of their neighboring controls. Puffy cheeks, fat lips, engorged on the sweet taste of poor decisions. This is how it feels to be a fat girl. When I close my eyes I am standing at the quiet slow-motion center of the all points west concert circa 2009. I’m wearing the same outfit (I wonder if I remember it because of how it imprinted on me or because of how often I’ve stared at pictures.) the main difference between the actual event and my dream replacement is that the sun is out, slowly slipping behind the main stage’s hood. I am closing my eyes. When I open them you are there, another stationary soul in the crushing throngs of pbr laced veins. “hey” your eyes warm. And that’s it. A simple, content-less, minimal daydream and yet it’s all I want as I lay in the shared bed of hundreds of men named dave and steve thousands of miles away on the resting back of an island serpent.

calling dr. wally

and still now

it makes me sick.

there's something wrong with me.

i am my own

christmas cleaning

wiping the cabinets with a chewed sponge, the mother screamed at the cramped wooden spoons and dusted flour canisters how tired she was, how many nights she spent consuming passion puckered novels that only sucked her dry. she spat between nicotine eroded sandcastles that she did it all. the children and the father sat in the living room deaf and unaffected. they could only focus on the smell of burnt hair escaping the vacuum's dying lungs.

drafts 3

sin destinario

hey girl, what time do you get out of

sin destinario

if we never had mirrors, we'd never have doubt

sin destinario

dad has wwind blown oout of him, mom seeing other guy

sin destinario

Fwd: Grandma She is the best lady gaga is a freak so is katy perry lol

sin destinario

chapstick and christmas

sin destinario

my feet are drunk annd i drag all that i am wherever i go. this is what it does to you what i feel in the night. i crawl into the nook of your arm and satisfy all my needs.

Marie Hollister

eta?

sin destinario

take the curve of your thumb and your palm and trace away the rain from the window, just to feel like you can control something. even just a pattern of water on one window on one bus.

sin destinario

the key explains everything, fold the key in, it is the past.

sin destinario

it's embarrassing to be eloquent

sin destinario

pov of "chatch keys"

sin destinario

april 10th, jillian's of monsters and men

sin destinario

pure magic by bang it out bruneaux

tonight i am an old woman & it suits me fine

last night. ri, knee braces, wine, dancing.

now. myself, papers, pepsi, portlandia.

different roots

baby cousin, i bought this book for you. it made my fingertips warm with every page i turned. i hope it sets your smile on fire.

we're getting older than we intended.

i appreciate you.

tomorrow i'm throwing out the cupcakes i don't want.

i'm an automaton. my best friend is olympia. i envy her eyes.

who did you first fall in love with, dr. hertz? when did you realize that you're alone?

display fantastic jewels of fruited taste-buds. blister your tongue with highways of rust.

fetish for the unsatisfactory

an earthy harmonica moans

in the cavernous well of my skull.

i peer out dark windows

see a stack of unread books

and two hopeful eyes.

i am

waiting for the rain,

for a kiss that scars,

for a longing that

medical journals

can't quite pinpoint.

and when i have it all

i search for something else

to cry about

marion roach smith-notes on memoir

memoir is about your area of expertise.

caroline kemp- drinking: a love story

"we don't have one story, we have many."

"memoir puts life into context."

"we're reading your story because we want to affirm or challenge something about life."

"memoir isn't about me, memoir is about a thing, and you are the illustration of that thing."

the best pitch-"i left."

"all memoir has transcendence in it."

just enough

i sew together card stock and disposable computer paper

because i hope that the blankness

explains the fullness i feel.

lying next to the resting hills of your shoulders

a fevered need to twist and turn my vocabulary

into an eloquent caption for the moment

beats in my lips.

as courage dances along the peach of my tongue,

you shift to grab my hand

and all need to quantify

slips away.