lose the emphasis on the "i," michelle.

it might not be true to who you are-

it most definitely won't be true to what you desire,

but sometimes it's better to disregard emotion

and act upon logic.

i've never been one to find comfort in

a

plus

b

divided by indecision

multiplied by gray areas

to produce philosophy

but in the end

it's easier.

i'm being a coward in the bravest way possible.

second guessing every thought

every light touch

every conversation

becomes too heavy eventually.

[the soul can only track so much]

even writing this makes me grow uneasy.

i'm worried that you'll read it, no longer making it mine.

the sad (or in this instance more realistic) truth is that you'll never see these empty pixels;

this pitiful attempt at reassurance.

no one or thing is ever to blame for these forced puzzle pieces. It's life, right?

but i'm a hypocrite. i'm feeling angry at myself for having these emotions

i'm feeling ashamed of being so human.

when did i fool myself into believing that i was anything more?

weariness creeps in. there are two planes and i'm lightly blinking in the dotted lines between them. you might be able to pretend like you're safely settled on one, with your computer generated image, your mixed media plastered paper mâché. but once the thought to venture in-between materialized, you disrupted your own balance as well.

this is only a temporary status. permanent for now, but really, temporary for the big picture.

no decision made with the head for matters of the heart will be satisfactory.

no decision made with the heart for matters of the heart will be logical.

but this time, it's not right.

someone once told me in her drunken stupor to find something that's worth the hurt.

maybe i took her words too literally.

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."