the rainbow connection

i wish that i could splay out every shard of my life
on a flat surface,

examining the paths that each one brings

and tracing it back to the beginning;

playing an endless record of possibilites and tracking every thought and motion.

don't forget to spend time with yourself.

why are you so afriad of being alone?

it's strange to play practical jokes on yourself

strange to expierement with the norm

turn off your phone

give up facebook.

what pointless connections to a world that we're already a part of.

i was thinking the other day

about how we used to connect when we were younger.

how i would sit in my kitchen with my parents and memorize my phone number

and those of my best friends

and the handful of people that were my world.

we were never able to see where the date that was late was

or where the aloof mother was long after pick-up had ended.

i hate myself for depending too much on others.

i've gotten better

so much to an extent that

others have started to feel ostracized.

i'll let everyone in

but no longer bother to weigh the feelings of others heavier.

this is a double-edged sword. no it's not

it's not a cliche

because it's real.

i am so sick of cliches

and the uncliches.

why use a metaphor when i can tell it how it is?

i'm tired of the collection agencies calling

and even when we do answer

(always me giving in to reality)

it isn't even a human being on the other end.

is it so hard to ask for human connection?

i just found one.

a surprised, tired voice.

i don't know if it was male or female

but does it really matter?

people always forget

but

ultimately we are the ones that determine things.

you're doing this to yourself

and you don't even realize it.

don't look at me like i'm the stranger

when you can't even recognize yourself.