serendipitous punnet squares.

currently, "new slang" is on repeat and i'm laughing at the fact that some people will forever lack the ability to "get it". i feel as if i'm betraying my marble notebook from creative writing class. it's giving me guilty looks as it lays next to the wad of singles i was paid in tonight. i work in a restaurant, for clarification. i am not a stripper. funny how jobs that revolve around serving others are paid in the lesser of bills. thought provoking, no? 

but really, i've grown sick of posting my epiphanies in notes on facebook. it made me shameful about how dependent i was on so and so knowing exactly what i was thinking, as well as pathetic that i was using facebook, out of anything, to place my ideas in a "welcoming environment."

i think it scares people by how open i am. how i consistently confront reality. but at the same time, i think i'm numbed to actuality. that probably makes no sense to you whatsoever, whoever you are (who am i talking to?), but i pray you can keep up. i have trouble with patience and don't plan on slowing down. i had a problem with self-editing. you see, despite my issues with capitalization and proper comma usage, i plan on being an editor. that's going to be, hopefully, my "real job." regardless, for a while i had a problem with just speaking, just writing. i always worry about how i come across or how i affect other people. it's one thing to disagree with someone, but another to offend them. i think people often forget that.

i have a problem with waiting. it differentiates from impatience because it's not about the here and now, but the future. i have so many things i want to do, a certain style i want to live, and it makes me angry that i have no idea to get from where i am to where i want to be. 

this is stream of conscious.